Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
