I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize