Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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