Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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