sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
