so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this must be what syphilis tastes like
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
