He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
