Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
