So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
