and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
