he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
