i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
