Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
