he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
