I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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