I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She even gives head with a lisp.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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