Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
