woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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