Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize