so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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