Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
