Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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