yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
