You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sext me about skeletons
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
