Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize