She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
