I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize