So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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