please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
