i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
