her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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