We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
