note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize