First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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