This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Come on in and take your pants off
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