I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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