Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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