Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
