Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
