Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize