dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
