I'm going to rape someone's good day.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
