You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
