you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
