the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
