You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think people are normalizing furries
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize