I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
