I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
