bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Never underestimate the power of titties
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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