All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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