I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
