There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i think i just lost a toe
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
