And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
