OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
