No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
