I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
