Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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