party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize