Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
