I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
