So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
