so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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