Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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