I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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