omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
