They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize