My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
