Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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