once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i think my cat just said my name.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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