Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
