my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
