I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
