yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
