I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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