oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
