I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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