Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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