I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
