yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
