Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize