Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
