i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
