Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize