It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
