can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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